Friday, April 13, 2012

Who the HECK, had the AUDACITY to say he was at a level 10?!?

Bryan Regan says that the worst pain a human can endure is getting the femur bone cracked in half… Well since I have never experienced that *knock on wood* I am going to say that getting surgery on my nose is the worst pain I’ve ever endured.

For those of you who need to know the history…

When my sweet Bodie (my neighbors dog) was a young rambunctious punk, about 8 years ago, he head butted me one sunny afternoon. Apparently it was a hard enough hit that he broke my nose. I suppose the sound of the crack should have been a sign but not enough I guess. Although it hurt, and hurt from that time on, I never knew that it actually broke. Ever since I haven’t been able to breathe through my nose very well (felt like the size of a coffee straw) and I’ve had to be one of those…”mouth breathers”.

This winter semester I started getting migraines and the only reason I went into the Ear Nose and Throat Dr was because I had a “sinus infection” that wouldn’t go away.

I got a strange instrument put in my nose, a camera shoved up into what seemed like my brains, my first and second passing out stories, a CT Scan and the diagnosis that was 8 scary words long. I basically had a deviated septum with a severely crooked nasal bone that was putting pressure on my sinuses and large polyps that could be cancerous, he called them tumors. He said he could fix my airway and the deviated septum but it was a 50/50 chance it would help the migraines. After thinking about it and talking it over with my loved ones I chose to go under the knife…obviously.

After the decision was made, I realized that I was so nervous that I was going to die and I became very sensitive around the topic of death which seemed to be everywhere. Don’t ask why..Anyways, the night before we had my "last supper” at red robins.

Me and Courtney

Jacob and Carly

My mom and LaRae

When i checked into surgery i saw a "goodie" bag with sweet socks in it.. I hoped I would get some.. and about 15 minutes later..,shabam.. I got some!!

While I was laying in my hospital room I had to do a few last things before I went under..just in case..

The last time I would rub my nose violently, my last time picking my nose, and I even made my mom suffer through my last TV watching session which was a couple of episodes of LA Ink.
Watching LA Ink while having the heat blow under my gown..

They came in and gave me “medicine that will make me feel funny” (exact quote from the nurse)… When I was being rolled into the operating room I remember looking up at the ceiling while it felt like I was floating and seeing the lights all fuzzy and glimmering. I wanted so bad to say, “I’m on a gurney.” But I couldn’t speak. Because the funny medicine.

While I was under the Dr said my face was worse than he thought so he had to do a lot of chiseling, beating, grinding, hammering, and sucking…and when I woke up I would probably hurt. When I woke up the nurses kept asking me how I felt. They had to ask my mom if I was able to speak because I would only answer with sign language. That’s probably because my face hurt so bad I couldn’t speak! Good thing I know another language.

"I didn't even have a good dream about being in a field with buffalo."

One thing you should know.. is I am VERY good at talking in my sleep.

So after they released me, I apparently told my mother she should get dinner at this Chinese place in town...she followed my orders, I texted a select few a self portrait...yikes… I spoke with some of my visitors and talked on the phone to some concerned friends and family.. and I really don’t remember any of it. Sorry folks. I would tell you some quotes that have been noted by my mother and sister but.. I'm not going to embarrass myself anymore than I have too…

The self portrait that was sent after I was released...

Who on earth let me have my phone?!!..mother..

All the blooooddd. nice. I soaked my bandages every 10 min. ew.

The recovery:

...has been horrific.. Compared to my other recovery stories (i.e splinters, mt biking accidents, dog bites, a broken heart.. ), this by FAR has been the worst. Its been 1 week since the surgery and I still cannot fully taste, smell, feel my face,or stay awake through a movie (not that I could do that before).

I had an appointment 4 days after surgery to remove the splints in my nose… how should I put this… it was “Excruciating..Horrific..I’d rather have shards of class in my eyes.” I was in so much pain that I was coming up and out of my seat and crying like a baby as the Dr pulled them out. He also pulled out 2 HUGE blood clots. I was unable to see the splints or blood clots because I was either passed out, blacked out, or crying. As my mother puts it… the splits looked like the size and length of my betta fish.. and the blood clots were “like gelatin” and were about 5 inches long and as thick as your little finger... I believe it… you should have felt it coming out.. mm.

The Dr was unable to get one big clot out and said I would have to do a nasal rinse twice a day to try and get it out on my own… you bet I'm doing it. Except not twice a day maybe 5 or 6 times.. Like____ would I want that Dr to go back in and get it for himself!!!

I was able to participate in dying the Easter eggs. And I couldn’t resist making a bison on one. Carly made a pig so a bison was needed too.

The best smile I can make..

Dying easter eggs..

I woke up one night and my sling has fallen off while I was asleep..

I had to take a pic to show my mother. I also call her into the bathroom when i do my nasal rinse and a piece of a blood clot comes out. I think when i yell "Momm!" she thinks I'm dying or something because she always come rushing in or yells "WHAT?!" in a concerned voice. Shes so sweet. She always comes and looks at the blood clots and says the same thing every time... "Niicccee!" haha... I wont post any blood clot pictures..

The pain has been unimaginable. Most of the time I'm in so much pain I can't even cry. My pain pills ran out on Wednesday.... They dont want me to get addicted so I dont get anymore... RUDE. Thats nice they dont want me to get addicted but i'd rather take that chance than DIE from trying to live through this.

Sometimes I feel like..

I’m not going to make it through the night

My face is going to fall off

I’m never going to eat my favorite foods ever again.

I will always brush my teeth while crying

I will never ever sleep all the way through the night in peace ever again

I will always have blood slowly dripping from my nose

I saw this while at Broulims...This is how my nose feels.. Ginormous, squishy, and fragile.

While out and about (the little that I have done)

I have had some very strange looks and long stares by adults and frighened looks from children. I will turn and the smile or content look on a random childs face will change to horror and confusion. I wanted to ask them if I had something on my face but I could usually only send forth a glare.

Mother: "SSHHHHHHh" (rushes away with child and cart)

I'm mean and purposely tried to scare some little kids.. Unfortunately I didn't get any of them to cry.. darn.

Well...As I lay Dying, Phagocytosis Betta Blue chills in his boot in the window... :)

"Silly fish."


Carly said...

I am so sorry you are slowly dying from your plastic surgery are still a highly entertaining writer. i loved the conclusion to your tale. i'll pray for you!

Sam and Wendy said...

I love you tons Kayla!!! I too love to read whatever you write, you should write a book. you are so entertaining and have such a good attitude about things! I am praying hard for you and hope you heal very quickly!

"It's for fun..." said...

I do think you should write more, you're very good at it AND entertaining!!! I'm sorry though that I can't help you...I would be there to write down your funny quotes, make sure you don't publish bad pictures, and help brush your teeth while you're crying and congratulate you on your big blood clot removals. :) And lol I can see mom running in and saying "what!?" in my head....hahaha give that momma some love. LOVE YOU MUCH! and I hope you get to sleep a little bit more all the way through the night before you have kids :) love your guts...and your broken nose

Kris and Megan said...

KAYLA!!!! I'm so sorry it has been so awful!!!! I wish I could do something for you!! I didn't really comprehend all that was going , but I am SOOO sORRY you feel horrible! But, as the others have said, you are a fantastic writer! Well done. For feeling so miserable you are still dang funny. I am so glad your mom is there. What would we do without moms?!

DaMomma said...

I just reread this blog...where was I? Why did I let you write on a blog AND put pictures in there when you were not in your right mind. I still can't believe you don't remember directing me to the Chinese place!!
You should write are quite funny and entertaining :)